As if he understood. How could he possibly when she didn’t? “What? Just say whatever it is you want to say.” She folded her arms across her chest and waited.
“Just the minute you had enough blood in the brain to remember yourself, you put yourself back out of reach.”
“Whatever.” She was being a total bitch, but she didn’t know how else to be right then. She just wanted the cold, dark feelings to end, and as much as she wondered if they’d stop if she let herself fall into Seth’s arms, she was too scared to find out.
“See. Look at yourself. Even your body language says you’re closed off. Which is insane because I gave you the chance to kick me out. You didn’t. It would make sense if I had hurt you …” His face screwed up in concern. “Did I hurt you, Heather?”
“No.” Well, the spanking had burned, but it also felt really good.
“Did it bother you that I spanked you?”
She hesitated. “No.” It bothered her that she liked it. Bothered her a lot.
“Did you want me to stay?”
“But now you want me to go.”
She swallowed then looked up to meet his eyes. She didn’t want him to go, not really. But she was maddeningly stubborn. “Yes,” she said. “I want you to go.”
“Typical.” He let out a brief laugh of frustration. “Fine. As you so command, princess.” He bent his body in a mock bow, opened the trailer door and left.
With his departure, the cold, dark feeling grew worse. The tears that streamed down her cheeks felt like ice. Even after several long minutes under a hot shower, she shivered uncontrollably and wondered if she’d ever feel warmth again.
By the time Heather dragged herself out of her shower and wrapped a towel around her wet body, Lexie was waiting for her on the trailer’s double bed, her feet curled underneath her as she played Angry Birds on her smartphone.
“I was beginning to think you’d never come out,” Lexie said, closing her phone before she stashed it in her purse. “You must be all pruney by…hey!” She jumped up at the sight of Heather and put a hand on each of her upper arms. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Heather was not in the mood to talk about what happened with Seth. Or maybe she was, but she seriously suspected she’d overreacted, and talking about it sounded like a whole lot of embarrassing.
“Bullshit. You’ve been crying.”
“I’ve been in the shower, how could you know that?” Her assistant had some sort of eerie sixth sense. With a sigh, Heather realized if she didn’t fess up, Lexie would drag it out of her. “Yes, I’ve been crying.”
Lexie rubbed Heather’s arms, a comforting gesture. “Why?”
“Seth. The carpenter.” Goose bumps formed on Heather’s skin and she didn’t know if it was from the chill after the hot shower or if it was from talking about Seth. Maybe she should throw some clothes on. She headed to the closet, saying over her shoulder, “We had sex.”
“And you might be pregnant. I know.”
Heather found the sweats and T-shirt she’d worn to the set that morning on hangers in her closet. A costume assistant must have hung them for her because she’d left them on a pile in the closet floor. It was amazing how nice people were to her. She certainly didn’t deserve it.
Pulling her clothes off the hangers, she turned back toward Lexie. It had seemed like a lifetime ago that she’d been concerned about being pregnant, and Lexie still had no idea it was a false alarm. “No, actually, we didn’t have sex at the hotel like I thought. So woo hoo! I’m not pregnant.”
“Woo hoo!” Lexie raised her fist triumphantly.
Heather dropped her towel and, not bothering with panties, stepped into her sweats. “But he’s working on the set. Weird, right?” She brushed past Lexie to the bathroom to find her discarded bra, saying as she did, “And we had sex today. With a condom, don’t worry.”
“Then why were you crying? Was he mean? Did he hurt you?”
Heather stood in the doorway, threading her arms through her bra straps then hooked the latch in the back. “He didn’t hurt me. He…uh…he spanked me. But it was, you know…”
“Just part of the fun, I get it. Go on.”
Heather had to work to keep her jaw from dropping. She’d expected Lexie to be shocked at the spanking bit, not excitedly clinging on to every word. “Um, well, after that we had sex.” She waited to continue until after she pulled the T-shirt over her head. “And then I kind of got bitchy and told him to leave.”
“Hmm.” Lexie tapped her chin with her finger, staring at Heather with that expression that said she knew there was more to the story.
Heather hated that expression. She also hated what Lexie was going to say next without even knowing what it was. It would probably be something wise. Or something analytical.
Sure enough, after a few seconds Lexie asked, “Why do you think you did that?”
Heather groaned. This was the other reason she hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Because there would be all this emotional dissection, digging to the heart of the matter crap. She spent enough time trying to understand the characters she played. Did she really have to figure out herself too?
She stepped past Lexie again and threw herself on the bed.
Lexie followed, stretching out beside her. “Talk to me. You’ll feel better.”
Twisting so she was facing Lexie, Heather propped her head up on her hand. “It was just weird. I don’t know. The spanking and he was kind of bossy and stuff.”
“So he’s dominant. Did you not like it?”
“Actually, I really did.” She stifled a giggle, her cheeks flushing with the admission.
“Heather!” Lexie’s eyes widened with surprise. “Have you never gotten kinky before?”
The answer to that question was a definite no. The kinkiest she’d ever gotten was using a vibrator—with and without a boyfriend. Other than that, she was vanilla all the way. It wasn’t because Heather had necessarily been opposed to kink. She’d just never had the opportunity. Despite how she’d been with Seth, she made most men work to get with her. Even after they worked, they usually didn’t get the reward.
And the men that she did finally invite into her bed didn’t handle her as Seth had. “Most guys I’m with treat me like I’m…” She searched for the word, cringing when she realized what it was. “Like I’m a princess. Delicately. Like I’m precious, or whatever.”