Because of Low (Page 38)
Marcus walked around and grabbed my hand pulling me up beside him as we made our way up to the apartment.
Once inside I headed over to the fridge to get a Jarrito. I was thirsty. Opening the bottom drawer I realized there weren’t anymore. Only beer. Cage never ran out of my drinks. But they were gone. He was letting me go. A small bubble of fear welled up inside me. I closed the fridge and stared blankly at the stainless steel in front of me. What if he moved on and left me? What would happen when Marcus left me? I’d be alone. Cage was my safe haven. My heart started racing and I looked toward his bedroom door panicked. Where was he? He hadn’t texted me all day to tell me what he was doing or to check on me.
"Low, you okay?" Marcus asked. I wanted to nod my head but I couldn’t. The panic in my chest was starting to take over. It had been a long time since I’d had an anxiety attack but I was about to have a full blown one right here and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it. Cage hadn’t remembered my Jarritos. He was letting me go. I’d asked him to and he was doing it. Marcus wouldn’t be around forever.
"Low, look at me," Marcus turned me around to face him but I couldn’t meet his eyes. I’d lose it. Deep breaths. I had to focus on taking deep breaths.
"Low look at me please baby, look at me," he pleaded and I wanted to ease his concern but I couldn’t. Right now I had to breathe. In and out, in and out, in and out.
"What the hell, Low," Cage’s voice. "Move," he barked and I wanted to stop him but he was leaving me. "Low snap out of it. Come on. Snap out of it for me. Focus on me Low and tell me what happened." Cage’s voice was stern. He’d been with me through these before. He’d stop it. I turned my eyes up at him
"Jarritos," I choked out and tears stung my eyes. Gasping for air, I focused on my breathing again.
"Ah, shit Low. I got some more. See there right here in this bag."
I saw the familiar bottles through the plastic bag. He bought some. He wasn’t leaving. I was safe. I wasn’t alone.
Nodding I took a deep breath.
"Kay," I replied in a whisper. The tightness in my chest eased some but I could feel the threat of an attack still there. Waiting on me.
"Come here," Cage pulled me against him and the familiar smell calmed me.
"I noticed they were gone this morning. I’m not leaving you.
Do you hear me. I. am. not. leaving. you." Nodding against his chest I heard a door close. Marcus. Oh God. He’d seen me lose it. Now I was all wrapped up in Cage’s arms. Not good. Pulling back I looked over Cage’s shoulder and Marcus was gone.
"He left," I whispered lifting my eyes up to meet Cage’s.
"You probably scared the shit out of him. It isn’t easy to see you do that."
"It was because I didn’t have your drinks?" I teared up again and shrugged. "Sorta. The idea you were letting me go and I’d be alone."
He shook his head, "Never gonna happen. If the damn mexican drinks run out and I’m a little slow getting some more it doesn’t mean I’m letting you go. You’ll never be alone Low. I swear to you. You hear me."
He glanced back over his shoulder.
"He didn’t leave the apartment. He went to his bedroom."
"Thanks," I reached up and hugged him. Dreading the idea of facing Marcus.
"I love you Low," he whispered.
"I love you too," I replied and stepped back. I had to go deal with Marcus witnessing my craziness. Cage couldn’t do that for me. It was all me.
I sat on the edge of the bed and cradled my head in my hands. What the hell had just happened? And why had I not been able to reach her? Watching her bury herself in Cage’s arms had been more than I could handle. The jealousy that he was the one she went to ate me alive. I was second best. Again. But this time it was ripping me apart.
Sadie hadn’t consumed me this way. She hadn’t owned me. Low did.
The door opened slowly and I turned my head to see Will ow stepping inside the room. I watched as she closed the door behind her. The worry and fear in her eyes killed me but I didn’t go to her. She hadn’t wanted me. It had been Cage she wanted.
"I’m sorry you saw me like that," she said in a small voice.
That’s why she was sorry?
"You turned to him. Not me."
Her eyes widened in surprise.
"I was having an anxiety attack. I was focused on breathing.
When I heard Cage’s voice I knew he’d helped me through it. He’s had to help me through a lot of them."
"I could have helped you."
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and she took a tentative step toward me then stopped.
"I needed Cage because the attack had to do with Cage. I needed reassurance from him."
"I don’t understand," I said sitting up and watching her take another step in my direction.
"You see, Cage has never left me. My father left me. My mother left me. My sister left me. Cage never left me. When people would leave me, he was always there. He is the one person I’ve always depended on. I’ve always known no matter what he’ll be there." She stopped and took a deep breath. "When I opened the fridge and my drinks were gone, well that’s never happened. I thought he was letting me go. I thought he was leaving me too." Ah damn.
Standing up I closed the distance she’d been afraid to bridge.
"I’m here. You have me."
She gave me a sad smile.
"One day, whatever this is will end. Relationships always do. Then you’ll leave me too."
She’d been hurt so much.
I took her face in my hands and held her gaze.
"Listen to me. I’m in love with you. Mad crazy in love with you. I’m not going anywhere. Ever. You can’t get rid of me." A tear rolled down her face and I swiped it with my thumb then kissed the tip of her nose.